Palms

Psalm 139:1-4

"O Lord, you have searched me and you know me.

You know when I sit and when I rise;

you perceive my thoughts from afar.

You discern my going out and my lying down;

you are familiar with all my ways.

Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord."

I don't know about you, but the above verse is rather scary to me... especially that last line about knowing what I want to say before I even speak the words. (So sometimes I have a mouth, okay?)

This verse makes us completely... exposed. The good and the bad. Strengths and weaknesses. Honesty and false statements. Joy and heartache. My Father knows it all.

("Is this really a good thing?" I wonder...)

However, the next part of the passage completely blows my mind.

Verses 5-6

"You hem me in- behind and before;

you have laid your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,

too lofty for me to attain."

My pastor used this passage in his message yesterday, and I had to revisit it when I woke up this morning. He created a visual image of what this passage is depicting:

When one holds something of ownership, one will lay out his hand flat out and merely support the object. However, when one holds something of worth/value, one will support the object with one hand but also use the other hand to cover the object; for protection, for safety.

The beginning of Psalm 139 leaves me vulnerable and exposed. If I didn't know my God, I would be fearful in the realization that He knows even my innermost thoughts. However, the next couple verses remind me that God not only is my Father, but He loves me! Not the kind of love I exhibit for say, ice-cream; but He loves me with a love that is inconceivable to humans.

Despite my weaknesses, my faults, my sins...He embraces me in the palm of His hands, displaying His love for, pride in, protection over me. And you!

I know one thing... I can't be reminded of this Love enough. What a great way to start the day today- just reveling in this Perfect Love and overflowing with thanks to the Giver of this Love!

Change.

"Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future." John F. Kennedy

When some people hear the word "change", their skin crawls and their armpits begin to sweat. However, in the past few years, I've realized I'm a person whom embraces change with open arms. Although I'm a very structured creature who appreciates a schedule and organization and routine more than most (some might call me a "nerd"), I am also fond of rolling with the punches every now and then.

I can say that with each new day, I am becoming more and more aware that change is a-comin'. I do not know to what degree this change is going to take place, but I can tell it's approaching. And I'm excited to say the least.

Sacred? No.

Worried? Nope.

Fearful? Naw.

Doubt? Nada.

I know that my God works all things for the good for those who love Him.

Of His promises, I am confident. Of His presence, I am becoming more and more aware. Of His faithfulness, I am constantly reminded. Of His plan, I am receptive.

I'm sorry to write and be so entirely vague. I will reveal more details as they present themselves. I just needed to declare my trust in Him, my dependence on His word, and my anticipation for what is to come.

Requests.

Philippians 4:6

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."

Psalm 5:3

"In the morning, LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly."

Psalm 20:5

"May we shout for joy over your victory and lift up our banners in the name of our God. May the LORD grant all your requests."

Do you ever want to ask God for something, but feel it's so trivial that you should keep your timid request to yourself? Or have you ever taken it upon yourself to handle a problem or situation, relying on your own strength, rather than lifting your hands and giving your Father complete control? These are the actions that I am all too familiar with.

As I read verses such as the ones quoted above, I am reminded of the intimacy of my Heavenly Father, His continual faithfulness, and His constant provision.

Slowly but surely, I am learning to make my requests known to My God. I am not to approach Him as a timid child, but I am to boldy approach His throne with gratitude and expectancy for His moving.

The thing is... so often I put God in a box. I allow my feeble human mind to limit the outcome of situations. Instead, I want to build intimacy with My Creator- to pour my heart out onto His table and cast my cares at His feet. I want to encompass my family and friends in His peace and protection. I want to claim His promises that He specifically gives us in His word. And I want continually seek His will in ALL things; His will and not mine, so that I am able to recognize His God-size miracles.

My challenge today: to boldly present my requests before Him. He just wants my heart; He is way beyond able to answer my cries for help. His reply will far surpass anything I could ever ask or imagine. He wants to amaze me. I must be in the place to receive His blessings.

Doors I never even noticed before will be opened.

I will walk as He leads me.

You Hold My World

This past trip to sunny Bradenton, Florida, I experienced the impact of this well-known phrase: "There's no place like home."

(Adopted from Dorothy in my all-time favorite movie, "The Wizard of Oz"

I lead a fabulous life here in Nashville. Not that I do anything worthy of mentioning or require recognition for some amazing task. When I say I lead a fabulous life, I simply mean, I live a blessed life! God has poured blessings into my life, He is continually teaching me new things everyday, I do not know the meaning of a "bad day" (well, most of the time anyway), I never want for anything, He provides for all my needs, I am surrounded by amazing friends and supported by a loving church family. BUT...

There truly is no place like home.

In college, visiting home was always great! Especially because my family lived in Florida...if nothing else, at least I knew the weather would be beautiful. :) However, by the end of my stay, I was always more than ready to return to Nashville; to see my friends, live in all-girl quarters again, and yes, even start classes. Since graduating, though, each visit home makes it a little bit harder to leave.

This past Christmas was GREAT!!! I arrived a day earlier than my family expected, providing the ultimate Christmas surprise. And boy, did I get 'em good! (Jaws hanging literally happened.) Because I am a teacher and receive 2 weeks paid vacation (thank you, Jesus!), I was able to truly get in some quality family time. After crashing from the Nashville buzz, here are some highlights of the trip:

Hiding in the back of the church van and surprising Parker & Jordan when they opened the doors...priceless

Jumping out of the kitchen when my parents returned home that night; jaws dropped, mom squealed, dad cried

Listening to my brothers jam in the den on piano, guitar, cahone... Oh, how I miss hearing them sing

Playing Yahtzee versus my Granny...the ultimate gamer

Teaching the fam how to make Oreo Balls (then delivering goodies to the Grandparents and family friends)

Savoring the wide array of Christmas goodies my Granny makes every year

Watching movies til all hours of the night with the fam

Naps

MPJ Only day out- shopping/laughing/picking on Jordan...you know, the usual

Sitting on the beach for hours, just listening to the waves and reading

Getting reacquainted with an old, but dear friend

Watching the bros lead worship at a new-start church

Candlelight service at church Christmas Eve; seeing old church family members and meeting new ones (and hearing the rents sing...it's been a while!)

Spending Christmas Eve with my Granny & Paw-Paw

Cooking an Italian feast for my entire family on Christmas Day (Never felt so pressured about cooking a meal before, but it actually turned out pretty delicious!)

Hearing my grandparents rave about my Italian feast (meant a lot)

Opening presents (I'd be lying if I said this wasn't a favorite event!)

Dad setting up my new vinyl turntable; rummaging through his old records & seeing his face light up with each discovery

Mom crying AND laughing when she opened her new camera (compliments of codeine)

Taking my little cousins to see "Despicable Me"

Cooking dinner for high school/teen group friends

Special lunch at a surprisingly-posh-for-Bradenton cafe with the rents for my birthday

Running into friends from high school and sharing about life (My, how it's different)

Special birthday dinner

At the last minute, deciding to stay an additional day before heading back to the cold weather

Some of the things that were difficult about being home:

1. Observing & realizing how much older my grandparents are becoming. I feel like they've aged quite a bit since I last saw them. But, I was incredibly thankful they're both doing better health-wise, and even more thankful for the time we got to spend together.

2. Leaving.

That's right, folks. This time, leaving was really hard.

As I pulled out of the driveway at 4:30am, my parents' tears began flowing even before I closed the driver-side door. I kept it together, trying to be comical for "their sake". As soon as I pulled out of the driveway though, I lost it. Tears. Fell.

This isn't college anymore. I'm not leaving to attend class, knowing that I'll return someday soon. This distance is because of a life-change I decided to make, and the time of my next return is unknown. Now, I am not regretting my life here in Nash AT ALL! I am simply stating that real-life seemed to rush at me as soon as I left the security of Bradenton. For a moment I felt as if I were tumbling through the ocean, in a current that is so strong I am forced to just flip and turn and ride it out.

Then suddenly, it hit me. As the sun began to rise, and morning light overpowered the dark of night, I was surrounded by a real Presence, right there on I-75, in my tiny yellow bug. God's presence surrounded me, calmed me, provided promises to never leave me nor forsake me. ''

I am a HUGE fan of Israel Houghton. For those of you that know me well, you are aware of my love for Black Gospel music. At that moment, one of Israel's songs, "You Hold My World in Your Hands", played through my ipod. As His Presence guided me and the lyrics of the song became true to my soul, to say that I was blaring the song would be an understatement.

I treasure the time I'm blessed with at home with my family. I love my family tremendously, and hate parting from them. But at the same time, I cannot hold on to them so tightly that God is not able to move among us. I cannot cling to who/what I know as familiar and comfortable for God won't be able to mold me and change me.

That early, early morning, I as reminded of this. And since that morning, I have begun my mornings spending time with Him- the One who holds me world in His hands. It never ceases to amaze me how much different my day unfolds when I begin the day with Him, and release my world to His Spirit.

Christmas Remix

So many amazing events have taken place since I last blogged. I blame my absence from Bloggerland on two things: 1) Time. The holiday season seems like such a whirlwind. November and December were FILLED with good times all around, but I never sat down to write about the memories. 2) Blogger-Anxiety. Yes, I made this disease up and yes, I'm diagnosing myself with it. Numerous times have I found a cozy place, sipped a cup of hot tea, opened my laptop with the intention of blogging, but just couldn't transpose the thoughts in my head to words on my screen. Word. phobia.

Today is a snowday; a very unexpected, but entirely gracious, one at that! So... I am taking a break from grading papers (let's not get on that diversion), pushing away my word phobia, and writing...

The Christmas season seemed to peek its head around the corner and then throw itself into full action without a chance to ask questions. The weeks leading up to Christmas Day were filled to the max (literally, not one free evening) with festivities such as:

Welcoming the season by decorating my house as a whimsical Christmas Wonderland

Decorating other friends' homes & apartments in Christmas attire

Visiting Nashville's Christmas Village, but only to realize, "I can make that!" Then returning home to see if my craftiness was up to the task

Nashville Christmas parade

Christmas cookie decorating (but not eating...long story)

Faculty Christmas party

Practices and rehearsals to play Mrs. Claus in our school's winter chorus concert AND narrator for our school's band winter concert

Small group Ugly Christmas Sweater party

Wrapping gifts for families in need

PA's Reality Tour (BCN teens dancing on a party bus, checking out Opryland Hotel's lights, guided by Pastor Allen himself)

Special visit from my mama

My Grandmother's surprise 85th birthday party (with all the fam in town!!)

Faux Christmas Morning party at mi casa (complete with breakfast foods of all kinds and games providing ridiculous laughter)

Being infected with a 48 hour flu...gross.

Missing holiday festivities with my students because I was sick! :(

DG's Christmas in July get-together

Preparing for the long 12-hour drive to B-town

Departing Nash early, providing the ultimate surprise for my family in Florida!

Whew! It was a hectic season, fo sho. But also a season to be thankful for times such as those; for friends and family, and this season in our lives where we are all able to be together.

Christmas has always been my FAVORITE time of year! A time full of fun, love, and almost a sense of magic. However, this year, in spite of all the festivities, I was challenged with a burning question: What is the meaning of all of this? What is it all for?

Truthfully, this question began sneaking up on me in high school, but every year I push the question down, afraid to face reality in answering it. This past year, I asked God to help me answer this question.

All I can say is, the "feeling" or "emotions" that we embrace more naturally during the Christmas season should not be limited to revealing themselves only during this time of year. Everyday we should show our love for our friends and family. Everyday we should look for ways to extend grace and help those in need. Everyday we should spend time lavishing "thanks" upon our God, for sending His son to earth because His love for us is so immense.

At the end of a crazy busy, but entirely wonderful, Christmas season, these are the thoughts inscribed on my heart.

Spread His love. Everyday.